Into Thy Word -  

Managing our Personal Lives in Godly Terms

 

When I was with a church growth-consulting firm, we did a major study of pastors, and came up with some startling statistics. We found that 90% of pastors work more than 50 hours a week. One out of three pastors state that being in the ministry is clearly hazardous for his family. One out of three pastors feel totally burned up within the first five years of ministry.  Over 70% of pastors do not have someone they would consider a friend, and very few pastors had any close friends. Ninety percent of pastors feel they were not adequately trained to cope with ministry coordination and the demands of the congregation. Seventy-five percent of pastors experience a significant crisis that was directly due to stress in the ministry. These are reasons why the divorce rate among pastors is rising, and pastor’s children rarely stay in the church or keep their faith. Forty percent of the pastors reported serious conflicts with their parishioners every month. This happens because the focus is lost or misplaced, accountability is skipped (thinking we are above it), and families become cluttered in confusion. How tragic! 

Accountability is extremely important in the life of the church, especially for the leadership. Leaders are mere stewards to the Bride of Christ, the Church. It does not belong to them. It is not their stomping grounds or their toy. It is not a building, nor a set of programs, or even a set of ideologies. The Church is the people of God. If the people are at McDonalds, then the church is at McDonalds. The building is the building, which belongs to God, too, and for which we are entrusted with its care. The building may be called the church, meaning a place for gathering, but never forget that the Church is the people who dwell in the building to worship and grow in Him.

Because of our stewardship responsibilities to the care of His flock, leaders are never to see themselves as exempt from the daily concerns of life, thinking they are above it. You are not. We are all called to engage in the life of the church with our full endeavor, and to guard ourselves from rationalizing that  since we are in leadership, we are better than anyone else. We are not!

 

Questions for the Pastor and Leadership to ask themselves and one another: 

Q:  Are you too arrogant to see the adventure of normal daily life?

 

      If so, then you will not have a grasp on the small things, and you will fail on the larger things of life. Life is not to be looked at as being mundane. Let us see ourselves as His children, embracing the small before we seize the large. Let us see that we become men and women of true faith, set apart for our Lord’s service, regardless of if the task is too small and insignificant for our ego and perceived position. 

 

Q:  Are you so eager to venture in new experiences of life that you ignore what is right in front of you?

 

      If so, you will not engage in the responsibilities that God calls you to. What are the responsibilities? You will discover this by knowing your spiritual gifts and natural abilities, and growing in the maturity of your faith through Scripture, Biblical teaching, prayer, and worship.

 

Q:  What are your priorities and motives? Are they Christ centered or self centered?

 

Q:  If you are having success in your career or relationships, are you prideful of them? If so, why? Does God want you to be prideful? For the answer look up the word pride in a concordance!

 

Q:  Do you have a grasp on your personality and your areas of strength and weakness?

 

Q:  Are you accountable to a group of people or person who knows you well?

 

      If not, you will soon fall off the road of life, crash, and burn.

           

Q:  Is your head full of Scripture, and your heart full of sin and contempt?

 

      Remember Psalm 10:4

 

Q:  Knowledge puffs up, but love and care builds up. Do you agree with this?

 

Q:  Do you know how to lead yourself and others deeper into the heart of God, to worship and glorify Him?

 

Q: Ask yourself, if your role is more important than the growth and well being of the church.

 

Scriptures on which to ponder and meditate:

Psalm 87:7; Proverbs 14:16-17; Isaiah 40:28; 16:32; Matthew 13:25-26; Mark 8:34-38; Ephesians 4:26-27;

James 1: 19-20; 29-31;

 

Q: Is your deepest desire in life and pleasure in living dedicated to please Christ? Can you take a hard look at your life and see how others see you, how God sees you?

 

Q: Are your actions in life the result of your will, your desires, your inspirations, and your motivations; or are they the result of your living a life pleasing to God?

 

Q: Is there a distinguished reality of the Lordship of Christ, versus the menagerie of living the lie of your desires?

 

We must be set apart to be promoters of our Lord’s Kingdom and Grace, to live a life of distinction, a life that honors Christ and motivates and encourages others.

 

Setting Boundaries 

I cannot tell you how many countless times I will be on my way home to my family when someone just shows up at the office to talk. Sometimes it is a crisis, but most of the time it is loneliness. Some times they show up at my home or I meet them by chance at the grocery store. I love people, and naturally will spend all of my time and efforts to be with them. This is one of the main areas I love about pastoral ministry. That was all right when I was single, but now, as a married man, I have other priorities that need my attention. As ministers of God, (and as Christians, we are all ministers) we need to be attentive to others, be listeners, and encouragers. However, we also are not to neglect our own web of relationships and family. We cannot trade the fracture of the family for poor management of His people, thinking we are doing our best for ministry. Poor ministry and misguided self-management will fracture your family and ministry more completely than just about anything else. Thus, we need to set limits, or boundaries.

            A boundary is a fence to ward off potential problems and to protect those in its guardianship. It sets a parameter to be a guide, as in computer programming where parameters keep the program in the right areas of operation. When we have those right areas of operation in our personal and ministerial lives, we will be more effective for His service. In addition, these principles are not only for all Christians, but also especially for pastors and leaders because they have more responsibility.

Developing limits with your time and church relations will not happen overnight, because you have trained your church and yourself in very ingrained patterns. Yet, it is a must-do. We have to reform, before it is too late.

 

Questions To Ask Yourself 

1.      Do you spend adequate time with your family? Do you have a regular date night with your spouse and separate family night with the kids at least once a week? If not, you are giving them over to Satan and the world!

 

2.      Do you have a ministry that trains and equips others, or do you run the show?

 

3.      Do you try to be too much to too many? Or, do you not only train others but also delegate?

 

4.      Do you have unrealistic expectations for yourself as well as for others? We need to have vision and passion, but also be temperant, and allow God’s timing.

 

5.      Do you say “No,” (with love and tact) and allow others to do ministry? Pastors and leaders cannot do everything or be everywhere!

 

6.      Do you have a system of time management? Even Jesus took time off!

 

7.      Do you take regular time off? Pastors need at least two days off a week and four weeks off each year!

 

8.      Do you take care of yourself physically, such as eating correctly and exercising? Remember, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so do not defile it!

 

9.      Do you have a good system to calendar and keep track of events and dates?

 

10. Most important, do you spend adequate time with our Lord? Do you give Him, at the very least, an hour a day?

 

These questions will determine how you manage yourself and the ministry God has entrusted to you. If any of the above areas are neglected, you are possibly headed for breakdown and sin! Be encouraged that we are not to be perfect, but we do need to be the best we can. Let these questions challenge you and spur you on to the right direction. Set up the boundaries. Boundaries are not a fence to keep others out, but are to keep good neighborly relations. They will not eliminate all of the interruptions, because for a pastor or church leader, interruption comes with the territory. We need to embrace and love our call and not be hermits to the people in our care. Boundaries create a healthier atmosphere with balance, a church that has leaders who love and care even more, because one person or group is not running the whole show.

 

Here are some more time-tested ideas to help you guard your time by setting boundaries to better care for your flock:

 

1.      First have trained deacons or ministry teams to respond to the needs of your congregation.

 

2.      Have trained leaders visit everyone in the church twice a year. Have extra visiting for shut-ins, widows/widowers, and those with special needs.

 

3.      Have a good system of time management. Develop the ability to keep track of appointments, and events with some form of guidelines to keep your time secure within a right sense of priorities.

 

4.      Have people trained to be ushers and greeters who can take care of the visitors. The pastor can also visit them and send letters.

 

5.      Have a telephone system, (cell, pager, number--whatever would work for you) set up as an emergency contact, or chat line so people in need can get in touch with someone. If a member needs to have someone to talk to or has an emergency, they can call that number and whoever is on duty will respond. This frees the pastor and enables that ministry to rotate to several different people. I have found that using a cell phone with an extra battery works best, and it is not that costly. The cell phone can be handed off to whomever is on duty.

 

6.      Make sure you have good ways to relax each day (not just TV), to take your mind off the church.

 

7.      Have an attitude that can release the laity to exercise their gifts and abilities. Do not just have a one-person show mentality, but be a team of caregivers. Be aware of people under your care who can do some of the ministry tasks, perhaps even better than you!

 

Avoiding Burnout 

            Pastoral ministry and church leadership is a tiring task. It is filled with all kinds of responsibility and unexpected crises. There have been months go by where I was actually bored, when hardly a soul called on me for help. On the other hand, there have been months where there was one crisis after another, where I could hardly take a breath. Sometimes, we manage our time really well and are just tired. Sometimes, we do not manage ourselves well, and we burnout. We may become tired from a big day at church, a big event, an intense program, or a youth retreat. This is not ministry burnout. However, if we keep this up, without checks and balances, and with boundaries, we will burnout without the need for pride and sin. Our own mismanagement will lead us to ruin. I have found myself on this path too many times, until I surrendered not only to our Lord, but I also learned how to delegate and set limits.

            Life today produces far more stress than perhaps any other period of human history. We have more demands, more pressure, more tasks, more information, and more responsibility. At the same time, we have less emotional energy, less support, less encouragement, less help from others, less people listening, and less focus on the “main thing.” We get this way because we are a task-oriented society, and have misdirected thinking. Remember what Elijah went through and what he had to overcome. We have a God who loves and cares for us, thus we need to keep the right focus and perspective. Let our strength be drawn from Him, not from our circumstances. We need to keep the focus away from feelings and perception, and toward whom we are in Christ. We cannot be focused on the negative, with a pessimistic outlook, for that makes a bad situation worse, and we may exaggerate a molehill into a mountain. We cannot compare ourselves to others and have unrealistic expectations. Such thinking brings us down into a performance trap from which we may not be able to escape. Thus, we will be unable to distinguish between our call, our abilities, our gifts, and our strengths and misdirected focus, even when it is helping others. We are not all equal in ability, but we all are unique and have a special place in the Kingdom. We each have a special calling that no one else has. Learn it, embrace it, and live for it! Do not fall into the trap of blaming yourself and others, as Elijah did. Overcome, and be your best for God’s glory as Elijah was later able to do in an incredible, spectacular fashion.

            So, how can we tell if we are just tired or burnt out? First, we need to ask ourselves the questions from the previous section on Setting Boundaries. If we are doing it, it is probably just exhaustion. However, if we find ourselves being apathetic, and detached from our call and ministry, we have a problem. We have to be on the watch for pride, which will produce a superiority complex. It will make us become careless towards others, then, we will lose our perspective, and what God has called us to do. In addition, either the pride, or the refusal to set boundaries, or a combination of the two, will cause us to fall into burnout and even sexual sin. It is up to the leader to determine if he needs an overhaul, or just a good night’s sleep. In addition, that leader needs to have others who feel free to tell him if warning signs appear.

 

What To Do To Prevent Burnout 

1.      Pray, and pray a lot. Have others pray for you! Let God in on what you are feeling, and release your frustration to Him. You cannot tell God anything new. He already knows.

 

2.      Learn to delegate. Remember boundaries and the diseases and dangers we previously discussed.

 

3.      Keep your attitude in check.

 

4.      Stay healthy, get regular checkups, eat healthily, rest, and exercise. Guard your time off. We are of little use to God if we are always ill and tired. We are on this earth for such a short time, so keep your focus and your health in check. Do not be in a hurry to get to Heaven. You will get there in due time. Stay focused here on earth, and still keep your hope on our life in Heaven to come.

 

5.      Have a support base to keep you accountable, people that you can go to and be listened to.

 

6.      Engage in other interests outside of the ministry, such as biking, hiking, civic events or a hobby.

 

7.      Make sure you have the right focus and call in your life. Many people are in the wrong vocation, so they are not utilizing their gifts, talent, and abilities. Pastors, too, can be in the wrong profession.

 

8.      Realize that you are not God, He does not need you, and He only chooses to use you out of grace. Therefore, you are not the Savior to the church, you, and others, are the people He uses.

 

9.      Be a learner. Read, and go to conferences and retreats where you are not the leader, so you can be refreshed.

 

10.  Most importantly, be immersed in the Word and prayer.

 

Burnout means that our spiritual energies are totally exhausted, that we have no will or vitality to do ministry or whatever our task is. We are completely worn-out and spent. Thus, if we stay in our position without being refueled we will just be throwing a monkey wrench into vital components, causing breakage. When the leader is burned out, he becomes the monkey wrench that sabotages the machine of ministry. He may not even desire or be willing to do so. However, because of his lack of availability due to the fact there is nothing left of him, he is of no service, and is, in fact, endangering the vitality and ministry of others. In John 21, Jesus asks Peter to “feed My sheep.” We, through the power of the Holy Spirit, are the feed, and as feed, we need to be fed. People depend on us to feed them, and they may drain us of our feed, personally and spiritually. We have to be careful to replenish ourselves with the right feed. If not, we endanger ourselves and the ministry entrusted to us.

 

Copyright 1988, 1998, 2000 Richard J. Krejcir Into Thy Word Ministries www.intothyword.com  

Make sure you see the other articles following this primer as they all converge and synergistically combine to help you grow your church to glorify our Lord!